Year in Movies Reviews #2: 1999

My Favorite Flicks

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace – This movie sits in most people’s disappointed bin, but I still enjoy it. There I said it. It was such a thrill to see a new Star Wars movie in the theater that I couldn’t sit still. Yes, I know it’s plagued with heavy political themes, an annoying kid playing Darth Vader, and um… you know who, but there are some good nuggets in this one. Is it a masterpiece? No. Honestly, it’s probably the weakest Star Wars film based on the fact that it doesn’t really need to exist. I mean really, what happens? Do we need to see this? Why do I care about Anakin as a boy? All of these gripes aside, half of the characters are actually pretty good, and the action is awesome. This one has a great light saber battle at the end, and the way they cut between three battles is reminiscent of Return of the Jedi. Look, I’m a Star Wars fanboy. I accepted this a long time ago (in a galaxy far far away), so I’m able to look past the faults and enjoy the movie anyway.

The Sixth Sense – Great twist. Good flick. This was before everyone knew the M. Night Shaymalan formula. This twist is probably as well known by now as Darth Vader being Luke’s father.

The Matrix – The first time I saw a preview for this movie was during the Superbowl. It was so jaw dropping that after the preview was done, it cut right into the game mid-John Elway’s pass for a touchdown. Ok. I still maintain that the Atlanta Falcons were so mesmerized by the preview that they dropped their guard during that play. The preview was so good, it made a team that was currently playing in the Superbowl not care about the game! Fresh idea, killer action, cutting edge CGI, and innovative.

American Beauty – This movie’s visual style and no-holds-barred look into the ugly side of American culture are still fresh in my mind. Outstanding cast led by Kevin Spacey and Annette Benning. “Who’s car is that outside? Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!”

The World is not Enough – Awesome Bond flick. It has a good balance of action, story, and of course, sexual innuendo. Ok, the sexual innuendo is off the chart, but I still like this one a lot.

American Pie – I was the same age as the characters in this movie, so this one hit home pretty well. It updates the John Hughes formula for the 90’s and was genuinely entertaining. It’s a solid comedy… “I’ve never done it with baked goods…”

Sleepy Hollow – Darth Maul as the headless horsemen decapitating people for an hour and a half. If only he had as big a role in Star Wars! I’d pay one million dollars for a ticket to a theater to see the headless horsemen from this movie decapitate Jar Jar Binks.

Galaxy Quest – Spinal Tap is to rock music like Galaxy Quest is to Star Trek. If you enjoy Star Trek on any level, this one will really make you laugh.

The Cider House Rules – Good flick. Engaging characters, great cast. Charlize Theron might be the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, and she can act too!

Fight Club – Quintessential guy flick. I figured out the twist before it was revealed though. It was partially because my buddy gave me a clue that gave it away, but it didn’t spoil the movie. Pschological Thriller? Action Flick? Comedy? All of the above.

October Sky – I love this movie. It has heart, is funny, and is a great classic story about kids with big dreams in a small town. “Cool it Quentin! You and your hot gases!”

Mystery Men – Wannabe super heroes save the city. Great concept. Funny movie. “When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack!”

Detroit Rock City – I honestly don’t remember much of this one other than it was an entertaining adventure for some teenage Kiss fans trying to get into the concert.


Guilty Pleasures

Deep Blue Sea – Deep Blue Sea is as gratuitous as it is ridiculous. It’s not a good movie, but it’s awesomely bad. It’s a survival movie featuring genetically modified super smart sharks. If you’ve ever wanted to see Samuel L. Jackson ripped apart by sharks, look no further. You can also see L.L. Cool J blow up a shark with a gas stove and a lighter. “You ate my bird!” HA HA HA!! Great stuff.

Varsity Blues – Small town football team hijinx at its finest.

Bowfinger – The idea of this movie is pretty damn funny. Follow a major movie star around and make him the star of your movie without him knowing it. It’s all about an almost washed up director’s journey to make his finest movie. It’s silly at times, but I dig it.

10 Things I Hate About You – Yeah, it’s a chick flick. Fellas take note. If you have to watch a chick flick with your respective other, this one’s passable. However, Julia Stiles might be the worst actress working today. I’ve seen more acting chops from Pauly Shore.


Biggest Surprises

Payback – This movie is funny. It’s so easy to root for this guy who’s just trying to get back this relatively low amount of money from the criminals who stole it from him.

South Park – Bigger, Longer and Uncut – This one earned my respect based on the musical numbers alone. Blame Canada!

Being John Malkovich – What a trippy, unique idea for a film. It’s too bad that ten years later nobody wants to make anything but sequels, prequels, and remakes.

Girl Interrupted – It’s sort of a “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” with chicks. Angelina Jolie stole the show, of course.

The 13th Warrior – I wouldn’t go as far as to say this movie was good, but I was surprised that it was decent and somewhat enjoyable to watch.

End of Days – Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Satan. This is as bad and awesome as it sounds. This movie is alright. Not great, but it’s passable. Gabrielle Byrne steals the show as satan though. He is a total bad ass. He’s a cold-blooded killer except with Arnold, of course. And oh yeah, this movie totally takes advantage of the 2000 new year. All of the computers are going to shut down and the world is going to end, right? At least they had the courtesy to make fun of this a la Gremlins 2. “He has until midnight. Is that Eastern time or Pacific?” If you want to see how a movie like this can be done right, watch “Constantine.”


Biggest Disappointments

The Mummy – Great CGI, but I’m not into this one. Brendan Frasier screams directly into the camera so much that I actually want him to get cut to pieces by mummies.

The Blair Witch Project – For the record, I saw this before it came out that it was a hoax. It sucked before I knew that, and it sucked after I knew that. I kept wondering why they didn’t just follow the river to civilization when they got lost. Isn’t that common knowledge? Especially to anybody who camps?

Wild Wild West – Giant robot spider attacks the old west. What were they smoking?

Inspector Gadget – I loved Inspector Gadget as a kid, but this film has nothing to offer adults, or kids for that matter. Go Go Gadget balls.

The Haunting – Not scary, not entertaining, and not a good movie.

Any Given Sunday – This movie is dumb as a tack. Gratuitous and lacking of any redeeming factors whatsoever.

Eyes Wide Shut – Stanley Kubrick’s swan song was unfortunately awkward and boring at best. At least it was appropriately titled because it put me right to sleep.


Didn’t See

The Talented Mr. Ripley
Magnolia
Arlington Road
The Insider
Man on the Moon
Stuart Little
Dogma